High Conflict Services

Counseling offers the family an outlet to learn coping skills and the differences between healthy and unhealthy relationships. The therapist in this program is trained in the area of domestic violence.

These groups help victims build their support system. They provide a haven where each victim can share their feelings and hear other women tell their experiences. These groups are facilitated by Iris victim advocates.

This service provides domestic violence education and support through home-based services. We recognize the hierarchy of basic needs. If a victim is due to be evicted, homelessness will be addressed before the domestic violence education could continue. The victim advocate will be serving this program.

The program consists of two phases over a 26-week period. During phase one, the client completes an intake appointment and participates in 10 group sessions. At the midway point, there will be an individual appointment to assess progress and then 14 more weeks of sessions.

There is a strict absentee policy to ensure the client is gaining tools to move toward nonviolence.

Iris Family Support Center accepts referrals from the Department of Child Services, Probation Services, Community Service, Parole or Employers.

Clients can self-refer by calling Iris.

Abuse and control are viewed as the primary problem.

Abuse is seen as taking control.

Intervention is a long-term (40 to 100 hours).

Repeated reminders of the damage caused.

Victims are identified.

Accountability is central to the program.

The intervention is just one part of a larger response.

Anger is viewed as the primary problem.

Abuse is seen as due to loss of control.

Intervention is short-term (2 to 16 hours).

Little attention is given to consequences.

Victims are not identified.

Little or no attention is given to accountability.

Intervention is confined to just one service.

Create a plan to leave in the safest manner possible.

Start to store cash in a place outside of the home.

Create a list of people who are safe to contact and memorize their numbers.

Create a code word that your family and friends know so you can alert them that you need help without alerting your abuser.

Consider the privacy of your phone or device when seeking help online or over the phone. Sharing a phone plan or using the same network could allow your partner to see or track your activity.

Find housing options for when you leave, or plan to go to a shelter, hotel, or the home of a friend if securing housing is not an option. Do not go somewhere your significant other knows.

Have clothes and other essential items packed and in a safe place where your significant other can’t find them in case you need to leave in an emergency.

Birth Certificates

Social Security Cards

Credit/Debit Cards

Checkbooks

Copies of Deeds/Leases

Proof of Income For Both You and Your Spouse

Any Documentation That Shows a History of Abuse, Such as Photos or Police Reports

If you or your children are at risk of physical danger, do not hesitate to involve law enforcement.

Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-787-3224. They will refer you to an organization in your area which can help you create a plan.

Do not go into the breakup alone. Let your family and friends know your plan. If you plan to do it in person, do it in public where the chance of violence is lower.

Be direct and respectful. Practice what you are going to say. Do not let the other person control the conversation or try to manipulate what you would like to say. There is a cycle of abuse, and promises that the abuser will change is just part of that cycle. Stand your ground.

Strongly consider seeking professional mental health support. This is not because you are mentally unfit in any way. There may be things in your past or things said during the relationship or breakup that make you feel that you deserve the abuse you’ve endured. This needs to be talked through. It’s common to second-guess your decision to end a relationship, and an unbiased professional can help you work through these feelings.

Once you leave the relationship, refuse any contact. Doing so may be controversial to some, but there should be no contact immediately after the breakup for some time.. Do not respond to texts or phone calls. Do not meet with your ex to discuss the relationship or because they need “closure.” Your ex knows why you broke up; any attempt to get together to ”talk about it” is just a manipulative ploy to rope you in and can be dangerous.

If you need to leave in an emergency, get a restraining order immediately.

You will want to get a protective order that gives you custody of your child(ren) so the batterer cannot accuse you of kidnapping.

Always keep a copy of your restraining order/protective order with you.

Find a lawyer or local resource that could help you attain legal assistance.

Change your phone number and make sure it is unlisted. Do not answer calls from a number you do not know.

If your partner does contact you, make sure you document when, how, and what happened.

Rent a P.O. box or have mail delivered to a friend’s house, so your significant other cannot contact you that way.

Change your daily routines.

Avoid being alone or staying alone.

If you have children, contact their school so they can be alert for anything unusual.

If you need to meet your significant other at some point, do so in a public place and inform your family or friends where you are meeting with your significant other.

If you have shared custody, meet at a neutral, public place, or have a family member or friend drop off or pick up your children.

If you have sole custody, but the judge ruled that there be some form of visitation, you can make terms and conditions for the visitation. This could include requiring supervision, that your significant other cannot use drugs or alcohol during visits, or that certain friends/family of your significant other cannot be around your child(ren).

Often, the best way to help a victim of domestic violence isn’t through direct intervention - which can be dangerous for everyone involved.

You may be inclined to call the police if you see abuse, which may be necessary for emergencies where someone is at immediate risk of being harmed. However, understand and respect that for various reasons, some victims and survivors may not want the police to become involved.

Here are some things you can do if you suspect a friend or family member may be being abused:

Ask if they are safe or need someone to talk to.

Explain that free, confidential help is available for victims and their children at local domestic violence programs.

Offer a ride to a local shelter, a place to make a phone call, or to babysit while they attend appointments.

Carry the number of the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), in your wallet in case you meet someone who needs it.

If you see abuse and suspect someone is in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police.

Iris’s Community Resource List